Day 15

We lost the wind just before sunrise. I sighed as the sails dropped. The sun beat down in a late summer breakaway, unimpeded and hot. Our course was leading us out of the Atlantic currents and into the Arctic. I still had a few hours at the wheel and was rapidly getting uncomfortable in the heat. I shrugged off my blanket and as many layers as I dared but I was still wrapped firmly head to toe in my long sleeves and boots. Their stares as they saw my scars still bothered me. By the time Izzy arrived on deck with breakfast and a fresh cup I had sweat clean through my shirt.

“I’ve had a thought.” She stopped me from pounding the medicine. “Why don’t you try sipping? It’s much less potent but I still don’t think you need to take it like a shot. Maybe ease into it and see how much you need.”

“It tastes bad.”

“Fair enough. I’ll see if I can fix that.” She went back below and returned with the same cup, only now it came complete with a sprig for a garnish. “Since we didn’t have a little umbrella. Cheers.”

I looked at the fruity drink with skepticism and took a sip. It was actually okay. I went in for another sip but she stopped me and put the cup down. I felt the substance creep into me. It wasn’t knocking me flat this time. I sat back and felt the medicine tickle through my veins.

It felt…nice?

Funny, breathing didn’t feel like work at the moment. I pulled my plate closer and noticed that it smelled nice. It was nice to have hot food on my ship. It was all…nice. My stomach rumbled.

“This is good.” I took a large forkful of the fish and relished the butter seeping from it. Then I piled some of the grilled peppers on the fresh bread. It tasted like heaven. Far better than the protein shakes I typically lived on during ocean crossings. “Thanks.” I reached for the drink then raised my eyebrows in question. She nodded and I took another sip. It really was easier to breathe.

“How long does it take to get through the portal?” she asked as she started on her own meal.

“Depends on various factors. Entry and exit points, distance traveled, temperament.” Both my temperament and the portal's.

“How long did it take to get to the Somers Isles from Maryland?”

“Conditions were good for that. Maybe a few hours?” I took another sip. Why had I bashed my knuckles so badly last night? They were going to look terrible for days now. I dipped my napkin into my water and tried to dab some of the dried blood away.

“That seems quick. Considering the relative...distance. So a year or two would be easy then, right?”

“It could be." I shrugged. "Again, it’s not a doorway, it’s a path. Actually it’s a current. Like an ocean current except it goes all over the globe.” Talking didn’t feel like work either. It was nice to talk about the portal with her. No one asked me these kinds of questions and it was…nice to feel like an expert. It was nice to share. “The one in the Atlantic is much more circular but it isn’t closed, kind of like an omega, except it delves deep and surfaces and follows the coast line so it’s not exactly a circle per se, just circular. The portal current in the Pacific however –” I stopped. Izzy’s eyes had glazed over. “The Pacific current is different…wider…bigger entrances.” I tapered off. “It’s not always hard. Why?”

“I was just thinking about all the magic. And then I was thinking about Ian.” She smiled. I think she was enjoying our conversation too.

“What about him?” I took another sip. She’d probably used my sugar stores to sweeten the drink. Ah well, not like I couldn’t get more of the stuff later.

“I was thinking that my husband is at war. And he promised that--I’m worried about him. No matter what assurances he gave over his status as an officer and a gentleman. You said we’d be able to check on him. I was wondering how long that would take and what it might look like.”

“Well, yes. I guess we could.” I did not remember this conversation at all but she was right. If someone had bamboo shoots under my fingernails I could use the immensely powerful, chaotic, and vengeful force that was the portal to go…check on her husband. See if his dick was still attached. I chucked at the image. Oh, she would be so mad if he made it through the war but his penis didn’t. I started laughing at the image before I realized I was laughing. I put the cup down. This chattiness was a new side effect. I picked the cup back up. Another sip would be nice.

Actually…if she was saying what I thought she was saying…and she was agreeing to go through the portal…I mean, who was to say where we ended up? The portal was crazy pants. Like, you wanted to go see a dinosaur and you end up seeing the crusades. Or you wanted to go get a Big Mac from McDonalds and you end up in the crusades. It was possible you wanted to go party with the moonshiners in the 1920s in a cute flapper dress and relive Great Gatsby fantasies…and you end up in the crusades. God I missed Zheng, she really couldn’t sail the portal for shit. “Bitch always ends up in the crusades,” I said out loud.

“What?”

I waved her off, still laughing. The portal was mad at Zheng since that whole warlord fiasco. Didn’t let her go anywhere but the crusades. It was hilarious. So if Izzy got into the portal, and -- oh no! I cAnNoT gEt Us to your “HuSbaNd”! What’s this? How’d we end up home? Hi Mom, look who’s back!" It was perfect.

“We could go together.” Yes, this was the idea. This was how to get her home. I took another sip of the medicine. “He would love to see you in person. Go visit him at the battlefield. You can do that in these old-timey wars. Just pop on by for lunch before the shooting starts. Have a little drink. He’d love it. And,” because I wanted to hold onto my morals a tiny bit, “before we pop in on him, we could stop at home and restock –”

“Stop at home and restock? Are you serious?” She seemed surprised. It was nice to surprise her.

She had really made this medicine taste good. Bet she put fucking lavender in it. “Think about it. Indoor plumbing. HVAC units. Corn syrup. Tomatoes that are not poisonous on lead plates. Cows that moo nicely. You could get a full body wax from your mustache down to your toes so he just slides right on up –”

“Right. So we’d just pop on home first and then go see Ian. That’s what you’re suggesting here?”

I looked over and saw Izzy sitting near me with a raised eyebrows and plate of food. Huh. When did she get here?

“See? This is why you got all A’s. Smart. Catches on fast. Yes, home first and then,” I took one more sip. Sip. What a word. I yawned. It was mighty tired up here on this boat. “Then, you know, stuff. I travel a lot. We’d probably get back here – oh wait, no. No. That’s right. That’s the end. I really hate goodbyes. Rule number four, you know: No goodbyes. Well, except for this one.” Where was that cup? Crap. It disappeared. Did I drink it all? I was afraid of that. “Izzy, I’m a little tired. I think I was up all night.” The sun grew warmer and my chair felt hard.

“Right. Let’s get you to bed, okay?” Some nice voice with nice hands helped me up. I reached for my dirty dishes to clear them to galley. Have to keep a tidy ship. The nice hands stopped me and assured me they’d get taken down and cleaned.

“Okay. That sounds nice.” The sun felt warm now. I felt warm now. There were still monsters lurking in my deep, but they weren’t surfacing. It was too warm up here for them. I stretched. It had been a long night. My bed was comfortable. I wanted to be comfortable. My pillow was nice. All the nice things everywhere. Just nice.

“How are you feeling?” she asked.

“Nice.”

“Okay. Do you know where you are?”

“I’m on my ship. With you. Hey – you don’t have to be scared of me. Bessie said you were scared of me. Just in case she was right.”

“I’m not scared of you, Anne. I don’t know what she might have meant. Ready to sleep yet?”

“Good. I didn’t think that was it. You don’t need to be scared.” I was almost asleep when I realized I’d forgotten something, “Wait. I’m supposed to shower. Have to get those showers in before the pipes can freeze.” But my nice pillow was calling to me and I had no resistance or balance enough to stay standing in the shower.

Come to bed, Annie. He reached out his arms and I gratefully sank into bed next to him. The bed was warm and I was warm and I always slept better with him here.

****

All movement on the deck stopped as I walked up. It was just after noon. Izzy was at the helm. I’d woken up feeling refreshed and gotten in the shower. There was nothing that strictly forbade me being up on deck. I wanted to let my hair air dry. We were still becalmed and the sun was beating. John Henry toddled over and demanded my lap. Since he liked the Hurrian words best, I sang him a little children’s song in the ancient language and he giggled as the verses were interspersed with animal sounds. His favorite was the camel noise which mostly involved spitting.

It was hot. I rolled up my sleeves but that was all. I was sweating already. John Henry started fussing and wanted to be put down and picked up and put down again as his little body struggled to figure out what it wanted. I kept moving to pull my pant legs up only to drop them as I saw the others on deck. I put my hair up high and tried to fan myself as John Henry demanded to be picked up again. Catherine came over.

“He’s hungry,” she explained. Her son reached for her and began pulling at her top. “I’ll just take him below.”

“You can nurse him up here. It’s sweltering down there too.” I pulled at my collar and wondered if I should just go strip and lie in my bed. I wasn’t sure that would be better. The air was stagnant down there. I also wouldn’t get the show of Izzy standing at the wheel, hands at ten and two, as the ship bobbed in the bathwater. Bessie and I had raised every inch of canvas on the ship last night and all of it lay dead against the masts. She had done a great job repairing the headsail as I’d slept yesterday. I kicked at my boots, the hot leather made my feet hotter. We’d all be cold enough before long. I tried to counsel myself to have patience.

Catherine sat down. John Henry pulled at her shirt as she continued to deny him. “It’s rather warm. Suppose you took those boots off. You must be uncomfortable, Captain.” She raised her hand up to the drawstring at her neckline as John Henry screeched with impatience. I smiled as I realized she was playing chicken with me. She'd undress if I'd undress. And she was willing to put John Henry's stomach up as collateral. This girl might have something to her after all.

I pulled off my boots. My legs were wrapped in their linen rolls and she continued to deny John Henry as she saw that I wasn’t likely to be much more comfortable even with the boots off.

“I don’t like people to see the scars. Please let him eat.” John Henry was in a rage now.

“I don’t like people to see my chest. Perhaps we both go belowdecks?” She continued playing chicken with my scars. John Henry screeched.

“You win, Catie.” I unrolled the lengths of linen and she undid her top. John Henry seized her in victory. I didn’t look at her and she didn’t look at me. We both sat in uncomfortable exposure here at the back of the boat. If these scars were out I might as well not bother about the rest. I pulled off my jacket and long sleeves and sat in my sports bra with my long pants rolled up. I don’t remember falling back asleep.