Greenland: The Ask

The Ask

        It all smelled so good. I hadn’t had even a sip of water all day. The villagers feasted and partied. The instruments played out accompaniment to their celebration. I’d never wanted a crust of bread or soupçon of stew more in my life. Nothing was brought to me and I wouldn’t have accepted it if it had. I’d eat later. Izzy was sitting with my other passengers. I watched her as she sampled the local dishes and attempted to suss out what the ingredients might be. Bessie was close by her and eating and enjoying herself. Izzy's request to send me through the portal with the young girl gnawed at me. Not everyone made it through the portal safely. I considered the girl carefully. There was no way to guarantee her safety if Izzy required her to sail with me. However, as the play had reminded me, I had sailed these villagers’ ancestors through the portal and met with zero issues. Maybe I was being overly cautious. Of course, I’d have to come clean to Bessie that we were dealing with the supernatural. The girl appeared stalwart and competent. She'd acquitted herself well in that storm. I didn’t truly question that the portal would accept her. She felt too familiar. She’d make it just fine. 

I had been nervous as a cat bringing Izzy through the portal the first time. I mean, she’d written the journal so I knew she’d make it but sometimes funny things can happen. There had been one or two other times I’d brought passengers through. No dangerous storms yet but the risk was always there. Of course, if the portal wanted to take her it would take her regardless of her position on my ship. Just because I hadn’t done a thing didn’t mean it couldn’t be done. 

How would I find him? I did not feel like searching through every battlefield Plymouth to Wick searching for him via dental records. Now…I could sail out, employ all my acting skills, and sail back giving her the good or bad news…I’d call that plan B. There were some shortcuts I could take though they didn’t always work. 

If I did go out I could bring back more supplies for the village. I could stock the freezer with some chickens and other treats for Izzy if the news wasn’t in her favor. I could go see Zheng for a little, she’d like the stories of me bringing Izzy back in time. I could go to Chile and bake myself to a crisp in the sun while eating empanadas. God, I was starving.

Probably six hours out to the portal. So 8-12 hour wait for Izzy and Catherine here on land. Not a terrible wait. I could shorten that to five if conditions were good. I evaluated the sky. They looked good. 

She hasn’t asked yet, I reminded myself. No sense packing for a trip that doesn’t even have a date yet.

The feast continued long into the night. Not much mentionable about it except for Izzy receiving a marriage proposal. I guess I shouldn’t have been surprised. It was our second day here. She was losing her touch. If she’d been on her game she would have been among the couples I’d married this afternoon. I instructed the elders to remove the man from her presence. I was not in the mood to buy her a toaster off her registry or test the soundproof qualities of the stone houses. None of them, I signed to the elders, are available as matches. They spread the word.

At long last the sun set and I was released. The commotion and noise ceased as I stood, bent my head slightly, and left. As soon as the windbreak and heavy tarp fell back across my door I collapsed down the wall. I shoved my helmet off and gasped for breath, shucking off all the layers and leaving them on the floor.         

I needed to sleep. I needed to eat. My mind slipped from one chore to the next and memories and emotions swirled around me. Each time I blinked I was somewhere new. Blink - deck of Maui’s ship. Blink - watching islanders slaughtered by metal weapons. Blink - in the portal as it blew its fury at me for violating its laws. Blink - watching Izzy put a chalk handprint on a cold stone chair. Blink - 

I knew this was going to be hard. I was ready for it to be hard. I never talked about him. I never even thought about him if it could be helped. Leaving Cabo with him that last time had torn me open. I’d held myself together only enough to drop Izzy back at school and then taken myself away. Maui had sailed back to his life that day saying, “Have a little faith, Heeny.” He’d sailed back and the story of his life ended the way it always ended. He was gone. It was time to tell Izzy.

I unlocked the door to our apartment. Izzy was at the stove working away. 

“You’re back!” She held up the raw steaks as reason why she wasn’t prancing over to give me a hug. “When you called I thought you’d be a little later. These steaks still need to marinate, so you’ll need to have patience.”

I went and sat at the counter, keeping the gift hidden beneath the ledge. “Izzy,” my tone must have alerted her, her face fell from its customary cheerful expression she wore when cooking. “I have some news. Some bad news.” We will get through this together, I counseled myself. She needs to know and you need her to know. She loved him like you did. This will be a good thing. This was finally a chance to share part of my life with her. 

I lifted the neatly folded lavalava onto the counter. Now she was afraid. 

“Maui – Fetu wanted you to have this should anything happen to him.” He hadn’t explicitly given me those instructions but what he wanted no longer mattered. 

“Something... Something happened?”

“He was fighting. He was fighting hard. He lost his battle. It was no one’s fault,” I lied. It was my fault. I’d failed him. “He loved you.” I handed her the garment. “If you want to talk,” please, please can we talk about him, “I’m right here.” 

Izzy took the lavalava into her room and shut the door. She quit her job the next day. She moved to Mexico the next week. I cleaned up the steaks, sublet the apartment, and kept moving.

John Henry pulled himself up on my lap and I hugged him. When had they come in? The baby put his head on my shoulder and I watched his eyes close. Catherine offered to pick him up but I waved her off, “He’s tired. He should sleep.” I put my forehead down to his and breathed in his calming innocence. The three girls were moving about the hut and someone put a plate down next to me. It sounded like they’d had an interesting day and had enjoyed the events.

“Captain, did you truly fight those sails?” Bessie placed a cup on the floor by my hand. I nodded as I began to work on the food and drink. “That’s what they were, right? The big ship sails. I remember seeing them for the first time. These people were lucky you were there.”

“I did not save these people. I only sailed their ancestors here. They were brave. Very brave.” I finished off the leftover ptarmigan and started on the greens.

Catherine put a pile of grains on my plate, “Sounds like you’ve made a habit of taking people away.”

I watched Izzy over John Henry’s head. “I didn’t think I had but it looks that way, doesn't it?” I’d get her back home. She wasn’t stuck here forever. I’d vowed she’d get back home. My other passengers had asked to be on my ship or accepted the invitation when I’d extended it. Not her.

“Anne?” Izzy broke out of whatever trance had gripped her since she’d entered the hut. She came and sat next to me on the floor and held little John Henry’s sleeping fingers. “Can I ask-- Will you please go check on Ian?” The request came out not much louder than a whisper.

I had counseled myself earlier not to count my chickens when really I should have been choosing names the little feathery bastards. “Of course. I’ll leave in the morning.” 

She relaxed but only for a moment. Then she was back up and pacing. This hut was even smaller than the Try Your Luck; she was trying to reach a destination where the perfect happy ending and clean set of circumstances lived under a rainbow. She’d been pacing along that long road since she was five. 

“Are you sure this is what you want? You have choices. You have possibilities until you don’t. Until you know.” Things would happen as they happen. Rule number three: There’s no changing anything. Free will existed up until the point the future revealed itself. Then you could only watch as events unfolded as they always would. You could try to fight – Lord knows I’d tried.  

“I need to know if he will survive the war. And,” she took a bracing breath, “I would rather know now.” She sat, content with her decision.

“Okay then. This time tomorrow you’ll know…unless, of course you changed your mind and want to come with?” I got up and handed John Henry to his mother for her to tuck into his cradle. Then I went to my sister and put my hands on her shoulders, smiling and hopeful. “Izzy and Anne, sailing the portal like old times?”

“I don’t think so, Anne.” I knew she’d turn me down again; I had to try. I had to keep trying. I shrugged and picked up my plate, I hadn’t finished the grains yet. How was I going to get her back? I toyed with plan B again: lying. If she ever found out she’d be furious but I wouldn’t be there to see it. When I took her back, that was it.

So tomorrow I’d sail out, go to a beach in Chile, enjoy good food, modern conveniences, and soft towels. Then when I was full of empanadas and sunshine I’d sail back and give her the bad news. I evaluated Bessie and Catherine as they talked quietly near the cradle. What to do with them? I chewed my grains and considered who I knew who might take them in. No one I knew could give Catherine the life she was accustomed to. Little Jean might take them in for a time till I could find somewhere more permanent. He had a house, a business. He could use young hands to aid him as he aged. 

Izzy might be satisfied with his ‘cottage by the sea, French countryside, let’s eat a picnic meal with charming woodland creatures’ aesthetic. She could rest easy picturing John Henry growing up speaking French and drinking wine. Once I returned her, I’d come back and find them more permanent homes. I maintained that Catherine needed a husband. Worst came to worst I’d see she got back to her father’s house. That would be plan Z.

Izzy resumed her pacing. “But it is important that you keep to a routine and take care of yourself. You will, right? Take care of yourself?”

“I’m sure I can manage. I’ve got your list.” I’d tell her all the things. I’d tell her that I ate and slept and found her husband and that I’d see her and Mom at Thanksgiving. 

“I’m serious, Anne.” She fixed me with her serious face in case I hadn’t picked up from the teacher face, the crossed arms, or the shrill tone that she was serious. I couldn’t help but chuckle at her face. Then her face shifted and I stopped chuckling. It was now her ‘let’s invite the whole school to an end of the year bash at the pool house, you ask Mom and I’ll start deciding the color scheme’ face. Shit. 

I was mighty nervous about her change of face. I had my plan. “Izzy –”

“Bessie? Are you up for a little adventure?” She looked right past me to the young girl. Catherine and I shared twin faces of nerves and upset. Bessie and Izzy looked like dessert came early. Shit. I doubt there were enough empanadas in the world that would keep that girl from tattling on me. Ugh. I didn’t want to go to England. I hated England. I did not want to go find my brother in law. I hated that young lieutenant. 

“Yes! What do you need of me?” Bessie jumped to attention and looked back and forth between me and Lady Spoilsport.

“Anne is going on a mission for me. I need someone to go with her, as backup.” 

“A one day adventure? You said you’d be done by tomorrow evening?” Bessie looked at me and reevaluated how fragile and broken I must be if I couldn’t mind myself for a few hours when Izzy would obviously pack me a bag lunch.

Izzy wrung her hands and I sat back with a smile. Explain this one, Izzy. I mean, you took it soooooo well. I took a delicious bite of stew mixed with schadenfreude. 

“Not exactly.” Izzy looked at me for help, help I did not want to give. But she batted those big damn eyes and knew she’d get her way like she always did.

I took pity on Bessie for her sake, not Izzy’s. “It’ll be a little longer than a day. Not too long. But enough that Izzy is worried I won’t have time to perform light boat chores and snack all hours of the day.” No one laughed at my attempt at levity. Fuck them. Zheng would have laughed. I kept working on my plate. I needed to get to sleep soon if I was actually sailing to England tomorrow. The greens on my plate tasted suddenly bitter. I opted for more stew. 

“Anyway, think it over. You don’t have to decide now. If you do want to go....we’ll talk.” Izzy said the words but everyone inside this hut, including the sleeping John Henry, knew that Lady Isabelle had made a proclamation and her stooges would follow orders.

“You have until the morning tide tomorrow. That’s when I’ll leave…with or without a chaperone.” I still couldn’t believe Izzy had had the nerve to dismiss Gerta.

“Captain, I would be honored to accompany you on this mission. Thank you.” Bessie practically saluted. 

“Be sure Izzy pays you a good amount for what you are about to take on. Apparently I’m a lot of work.” And if Izzy commissioned her then Izzy was paying her. 

“Are you sure Bessie?” My darling sister asked as if Bessie truly had had a choice in the matter, same as me. God, I had really wanted that Chilean beach, hot sun, food trucks, empanadas…the English boiled the world down into mush.

“Yes! I will be ready at dawn.” Bessie bounced in her place.  

Izzy went to hug her. Her. Not me who was going to sail us through time to find her blue eyed love humper. She hugged Bessie who would tear me off the wheel and narc on me to Izzy if I did something rash like not go find him and enjoy my life instead. 

“I appreciate your enthusiasm.” Izzy hugged the girl again. “I’ll get you squared away before we go to sleep.” 

“I’ll go start preparing now!” Bessie did salute this time and ran out the door to the beach. It was still light enough out for her to work. 

“Wait, Bessie!” Catherine raced out after her sister. I put the plate aside, I was done. I got up to change into sleeping clothes and check on John Henry. Great. Just freaking fantastic. Now I had a first mate. I sailed alone…at least I used to. Now I was going to sail with Bessie to England. I had a shortcut in mind but if that didn’t work there were some pubs where I had contacts and could get information. 

I washed my face and yawned. It had been a day and tomorrow would be…lots more than a day. Izzy rubbed my shoulder. She was holding a cup out to me. “Have a sip. It should taste okay.” She didn’t back away until I took the cup. 

I was already tired but I had to admit I’d come to look forward to the way the medicine effortlessly kept my thoughts tethered to the misty daylight and out of the depths. I drank. The effects kicked in immediately and I realized the dose was stronger than normal or I’d taken more of it at once than was advisable. I got in bed before it stole my balance. 

Izzy climbed in next to me and put her head on my shoulder. “What should I know before you leave?” It was nice to have her here next to me. I took another sip and felt the strong medicine at work. I sighed at the relief, like a hammer smashing chains and freeing my breath. 

She’d asked what she should know? Probably a lot. I took another sip. 

“You might not have noticed but I’ve been stashing things here for a while.” I told her. The treasures she and the others had chosen lay against the wall of the hut. Izzy had chosen a bow and quiver. It was time to start letting these treasures go. “Zheng and I used it during the crusades. Even back home – when we live at Heron’s Landing, no one comes to this place. It’s always deserted.” I took another sip…or tried to. The cup had disappeared from my hands. I patted the blankets for it in case it had spilled but found only Izzy’s hands. 

“The crusades?” She laughed. She had a nice laugh. Even when we were in bed listening our parents fight downstairs she’d had a nice laugh. “You’re like a dragon.”

I roared in her ear. Erikson had roared just like that as he showed me the dragon head carving on his boat. He had been a great kisser among his other talents. That was his boat in my treasure grotto. I pulled Izzy close. This felt like home just with more fur blankets. 

“You’ve mentioned Zheng before, right?” she asked. 

“I don’t know.” I’d spent more time with Zheng and her stupid face than any of my family, including Izzy. “Probably.” Where’d the cup go? All I found were Izzy’s hands again. Ah well. 

“Is she one of your people? Like Maui?”

“Yeah.” I missed Maui. I hated him though. No, I loved him. 

[I love you too, Heeny.]

Shut up. You aren’t here. 

“Are there many of you?” Izzy asked. I rubbed my eyes and tried to refocus. After all the work today and then the inundation of food and medicine, I was struggling to stay present. 

“Most don’t survive. I buried hundreds during my time as a sacrifice at the temple. I only know my friends. You’ve met them, you know.” Our first trip to Cabo, circumstances had arranged themselves and my whole family had descended on the small beach to finally meet my sister. They’d been so annoying about it. Mo especially had grilled her like he was my dad and not my annoying friend. 

“I have? Who else?” Izzy resituated herself to get a better look at me. My periphery was smoothing out and she looked like she was glowing. Maui sat next to me on the bed smiling at her. I hated him.

[Just rest, Heeny.]

I would have helped you.

[So let them help you now.]

I hate you. 

“Maui of course. Mo, Zheng, and…” talk about people I missed. Should I tell her about him? “And Marco.”

Annie. I saw him grinning at me. 

Fucking Marco. 

“Marco? Marco Marco? He’s one of you? The other names- I don’t know. I don’t remember meeting them. Are you sure?”

“I’m not surprised. I asked Maui to get you really high and drunk so you wouldn’t pay attention to them.  Do you–” 

Annie, been a while. Last I saw you, you were behind some very lovely and very solid bars.  

Don’t call me Annie.

“-- Do you remember Marco?” I hoped she remembered him.

“Yeah. Kind of hard to forget the one friendly pirate from Tavern Rock," she said as the firelight glowed against her. Ah Tavern Rock…good times. Good times. “I always wanted to ask if you boned him. You two had a whole...thing going on.”

I laughed at that. She was ever so classy, a real poet. “I did more than that.” 

I’ve never gotten in your way before, Annie. 

Don’t call me Annie. 

Come to bed, Annie. 

“I married him.” Before everyone there had been him. We were painfully young then. We knew nothing. My eyes closed and I let the medicine float me away to a distant shore where an ominous temple loomed in the background and where Marco was at my back saying, Stay. Annie. Stay.

“Yeah. I’m so happy you are here.” I mumbled to Izzy…to Maui…to Marco. I missed them all. They’d all moved on from me in one fashion or another. I was the one left holding the bill I’d racked up by staying too long in their lives. “Love you.”  I tried to tell them all but they weren’t really here…and neither was I.

****

“I’ll only be gone a few hours from you. You get that, right?” I asked Izzy at the shore. 

Bessie was on her way back from her final trip out to the big ship, loading our supplies. I had been up since dawn and been in nonstop motion since then. My ship was already loaded with more ambergris (the whole place stunk to high heaven) and some fresh supplies, I had list upon list of items to procure for the small village, it was time to launch. Izzy had been fast asleep the entire time and this was the first chance I’d gotten to see her. She held on to my hand, keeping me from departing. The villagers stood back a ways watching our short farewell.

“I think so,” Izzy answered, unsure of her commitment to that statement.

“It’ll be just like junior year,” I assured her. She still looked nervous.

“How long will it be for you?” She didn’t let go of my hand. 

“Longer than a few hours. There are too many variables to give you a concrete timeline. A few weeks at least.” I didn’t see how it mattered so much how much time it would be for me. It would take the time it took. Very likely my future self who’d (hopefully) completed this little mission was already docked out of sight on the eastern side of the landmass. She’d sail around in time for dinner tonight and tell Izzy…whatever news she was going to tell Izzy.

“Bessie will make your medicine. Please, please take care of yourself, Anne.” 

Bessie rowed the rowboat up on the shore and leapt out for a last goodbye with Catherine and John Henry. 

“I will.” I tossed my satchel into the boat and itched my neck under the heavy helmet. I was anxious to get back on my ship and take all this ceremonial stuff off.

“Anne?”

“Yeah?”

“So...You married Marco?” She laughed.

Oh shit. I straightened up. I thought I had dreamed that. Guess not. “Yes. I was really really young and really really stupid. I promise I’ll tell you the story when I see you tonight. Okay? Just remind me.”

“Definitely. I’ll only be thinking about it all day.” She grinned with a little too much pleasure.

I sent an apology to future Anne. Good luck explaining this one, you snarky bitch. I hugged Izzy one last time and ordered Bessie back to the oars. The village raised their hands in farewell as we distanced ourselves from the shore.